Yes, I admit, as a teenager, it is no piece of cake. I have tried before but this time it is different. This time, I not only believe that Allah is with me, I know that Allah is with me. By saying this, I do not mean to say that I didn’t believe in Allah before, I just didn’t often turn to Him when I was in trouble. My faith was not strong enough. In this era, I realise that people might see my change as an act of hypocrisy and some think I am doing this to make myself look good. But how long can they judge me so? I believe that if I hold on to my beliefs long enough, they will start to believe in me, too. I am aware that some may say I am leading myself to mild public isolation. But which is more important, what the society thinks of me, or what Allah thinks of me? It may seem hard when we see that the people around us who play a major role in our lives turn away. Allah was the reason I existed in the first place. And when I say that, I feel that I can no longer doubt my decision. I say it with my whole heart and I believe. I believe in You, Allah. I see now. I can finally take a deep breath and feel calm. And you know what? It feels really good. I am glad that I made this decision. I am happy that everybody can accept my change. They can understand that I am doing this because it is a willing choice and they respect me for that. Although we all come from different family backgrounds, they can accept my stand. I am still me, unchanged and they know that I am not judging them or trying to make them feel bad that they didn’t make the same decision. That they chose to express what they feel for their significant other, which they choose to completely banish the person from their life. What I am doing is just a choice I am making for myself. I do not expect everyone to do what I do. I do not consider myself an example neither am I a role model. I am not saying this is the best option one can take. I am saying that this is something I CAN do. Everybody has their own way of handling their problems, their decisions to make. That is their right and I will not violate it. We live in a society where not everyone is the same. Accepting people for who they are and who they aren’t just makes the organisation stronger. We should be focusing on what matters in life, the certain. Lately, I have been wasting my time doing ‘uncertain’ things. And I feel troubled. But I forget sometimes, that Allah is constantly with me, watching over me. He is my lover whom I have yet to know. We tend to take Allah ever so lightly, don’t we? We are weak and imperfect, believing in only what we see. When will we get to the point where we can just close our eyes and have faith? Hopefully, soon. Wouldn’t that be nice? =) Sometimes I feel like a bad person. There are certain times where I would cry as I pray because of the sins me committing. Then I would also cry when I think about the fact that I only cry when I am troubled by a problem and I realise Allah is the only ONE that never ever leaves my side. He is always here for me, isn’t He? He loves me, and although I can say I love Allah too, I feel that THAT is a lie I am telling myself. How can I love one I do not KNOW? How can I love ONE when I previously did nothing to get to know Him? So, I am determined to make Him my on-top-of-the-list lover.
No comments:
Post a Comment