I got this from a close friend. After reading it, I found that it’s worth sharing with the whole world. Something such as beautifully written would be greatly appreciated by anyone who reads it. It touched me in a sense where I realized part of what I've been losing sight of for some time. To find your way in this life and for the hereafter. That is the real journey that all of us are going through. To realize that every single each and every one of us are only fellow travellers to the grave. The "day dreamer", a true friend and a great writer.
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Assalamualaikum.“I am not looking for a husband at this age. I am merely exploring the essence of my teenage hood, that is, without disobeying Allah’s laws.”There has been quite a lot on my mind lately. No I am not losing my mind. I am just bothered by a small problem. Before this, I chose not to tell anyone about my worries. I am not afraid that they will get sick of listening to them. I chose not to because I was too embarrassed to. It is not an accomplishment. Just a sign that I am human. I shall not call it a mistake for nothing ever is one nor will I feel proud about it. Everything happens for a purpose. The fact that i hold a certain queer feeling for a significant other worries me. I am sure it is no sin to feel so. Allah is Just. I am sure that most of us have gone through this feeling at least once. As a teenager, I feel that the word ‘love’ will not work for me unless I am expressing my love towards Allah, Prophet Muhammad pbuh, my religion and my society. I do not want to use the word ‘like’ either as I feel it makes me sound like a kindergarten kid all over again. I think I will stick to ‘feelings’. I realise that my faith still needs to be worked on as I feel that I am burdened by this natural phenomenon. I clearly do not know Allah’s plans for me. I try not to waste my time trying to figure it out for I will never know till the right time comes. Is this a sin? Am I committing a sin? I ask this question every second of the day. I do not try hard enough to distance myself from him that it seems I barely put an effort in making it succeed. But each day I talk to Allah, I feel I want to more and more. Thinking about whether or not he feels the same about me is not an act of intelligence. Satan’s whispers may cloud my own voice. Then it might lead to other unfortunate events. Love? No, I am nothing but an incomplete slave of Allah. I am not ready. I should be making my parents smile, the Prophet proud and Allah love me; not waste what isn’t mine to do useless things. He may be meant for me, he may also not be. I choose to work on the certain, not the uncertain. I am 17 years old and I have a great journey ahead of me. To rid the person I have feelings for just because I want to run away from the fact that what I feel for him IS true, would only prove my immaturity as a woman, so I won’t. He is a Muslim and I consider all Muslims as my family. My genuinely deep feeling for him will not cloud my ways as I treat him merely as my friend. There is nothing wrong with being friends with a person you have feelings for. He is a good friend and only that. I want to wake up and feel satisfied with myself. I want to know Allah and his prophets better than I know another human being. I want to open my eyes each morning and love myself because although I commit sins every day, at least I am trying to avoid the ones I DO realise I am doing. I am not saying love is a crime. It really isn’t. What makes it wrong is when we act without thinking, act based on these feelings.
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