My Youth

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Compassionate. 

“Live today, like you born were born yesterday and (as if) you’re going to die tomorrow”, 

Ami Samsuri.

                Teenagers seem to always forget about the one thing that they have but adults could only dream of having. Teenagers have their youth that only lasts for a few years, which makes it very valuable. But youth is always taken for granted by teenagers, due to their lack of knowledge and experience. Teenagers do not see the correct way of spending their youth. Youth is then wasted through wild rages, uncontrollable fights and pre-marital sex. Adults, on the other hand, would give anything to relive the glory days. But now they could only reminisce about the time when they were still the quarterback of the football team or the time when they were the most popular girl in high school. An unfortunate middle-aged man would reach a certain stage in his life and ask himself, “What happened to the last ten years of my life.” It is a stage where everyone might reach if their youth is not well spent.

                How come every time we go and flip on the news channel, we see these images of teenagers having crude manner. We get anxiety from news that was downright disturbing. It had been reported that in Selangor, a group of under aged teenagers worked together and raped an adult woman. It has also been reported that 67% street motorcycle racers are aged from 15 to 17 years old. They are the leaders of tomorrow, but they spend their leisure time with raping, robbery and drugs. What will happen to the future generation?

                When we glance upon the past, we can witness that almost all great feats that mankind has achieved are contributed by teenagers. Chairman Mao Tse-tung, a revolutionary that led China into its glory. He achieved the Chinese Revolution with the nation’s youth supporting him. Although he had an army at his disposal, he could not do anything without the support of his people. If he had not first influence the young minds of China at the time, he could not have lead the Chinese Revolution. What teenagers do not know is that they have the ability to change the world. Their unstoppable strength, their untamed spirit and their undying optimism could never be stopped by anyone. Truly, they can change the world as we know it.

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one,” John Lennon.

                Never be afraid to dream. Teenagers are actually held back by the cliché Malaysian mind-set that considers dreaming is a waste of time. The typical Malaysian would associate dreaming with the lost daydreams of Mat Jenin. However, great people did great things because every single one of them had a dream – and they are willing to work for it. Before Thomas Edison found the light bulb, he only dreamed of producing light with electrical energy. As a boy, he was told that he could never achieve such a crazy thing. But, with hard work and dedication, he finally achieved the then so called impossible.

                Teenagers are willing to dream. They are willing to dream to walk on affordable anti-gravity, to make the world’s first ice-cream that never melts or to be the first man or woman to harness the power of anti-matter. However, the problem is that teenagers do not work to achieve their dreams. They rather waste their time in activities that are for certain unbeneficial to them and the people that they are close to.

                I believe it was Martin Luther King Jr. that once proclaimed in a great speech that is still remembered until now. He said, “I have a dream”. His dream was to see equality among the citizens of the United States of America. No matter they were white, black or even Asian, every American citizen have the right to be accepted into the community. If he kept his dream to himself and never work for it happen, would we still remember his name?

1.                 “So dare to dream. Dream your wildest dreams. You can climb the highest mountain. You can drown in a teacup, if you find a big enough teacup. And if somebody tells you that you can’t do something, you say, ‘Yes, I can. ‘Cause I’m doing it right now!’ ”- Barry

***

Vincent Van Gogh. Everyone said to him, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you." – Barry

Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Teenagers have a special quality that adults rarely have. Teenagers are rebellious. But, instead of wasting that fiery rebellious spirit to something that is unbeneficial like smoking, it should rather be channelled to something that is far better. Teenagers should use this rebellious strength to prove everyone wrong. Teenagers need to prove themselves that they are more than worthy to be respected by the adults. Teenagers have the ability to be different from the status quo. They can overcome peer pressure and be assertive. They have the will power to say no to smoking, drugs and pre-marital sex. They can avoid joining a gang and get involved in gang wars and street fights. They can stop the world from collapsing. They can change the world. Never ever listen to those voices that are trying to hold you back. They just envy you strength and diligence. That is they are trying to lead you astray from your main objective, which is to turn your wonderful dream into a touchable reality.

 “Doing great things are hard and no one ever said that they were easy. But, no one can ever say that they were impossible.” – Wan Asyraf

***

 “There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.” - Winston Churchill

The only thing in the world that does not change is change itself. Teenagers still have the potential to change. They still can change their future and the world’s destiny altogether. The decision is in their hands. It is never too late to change. Change is always for the best. The quest to achieve the best in life is similar to the endless pursuit of happiness. It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that? - Christopher Gardner Teenagers just need the support from the adults. In spite their pointless rebellions; they still need the guidance from a respectful and experienced parent. Underneath that layer of menacing rage and anger, lies a lost child still searching for his identity. Without the guidance of a loving parent, a teenager is still a simple child. He is still a cold and lonely child, waiting to be loved and guided by his parents.

 “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” - Mohandas Ghandi

Friends

There's no guarantee that you and your friends will go your own separate ways someday. So there's no sense in worrying about it. For now, act like your friendship is forever, and it might turn out that way.

Want it so badly

Sometimes we want something so bad, we practically write the script on how it should go, even though we know better. There’s no such thing as the perfect family; there are always lumps. But why do the lumps have to be bad? Maybe instead of trying so hard to create the ideal, we should embrace the not so perfect. Because sometimes it’s the imperfections that make the memories you really cherish.

Life, maybe...

Maybe life is like a cross country road trip. You can get so focused on the enormity of the mission ahead, staring straight out of the expansive road as you fail to notice the stuff you're passing by right at that moment.

Light

Let me tell you a story. One day, I was strolling through the village at night - and it was a really dark night. I saw an old man walking with his walking stick in his right hand and an oil lamp in the other. As he walked closer towards me, I could notice that he was blind. I asked him, "Pakcik, if you couldn't see why you would bring a lamp?" The old man replied, "Son, I know that I'm blind. But, I'm not bringing this lamp for myself. I brought it so that others could see."

Experience

Ever notice how when you're standing right next to something, it always seems really big, and you know, important? But when you get enough distance, that same thing can suddenly feel tiny, maybe even insignificant. Until you're standing so far away you have to really strain just to be able to see them. And new experiences are always Technicolor, larger than life. Going to a place you’ve never been before makes you re-examine everything.

My nenek

   As far as I could remember, my arwah grandmother died in Ramadhan of 2009. She died due to old age and diabetes. Before she died, she began to show bad signs of her diabetes. It started when the second toe on her right foot got scratched. It healed very slowly - in fact it never actually healed properly. Then, her toe began to become darker in colour. At this point I had gut feeling that the time is about to came closer. I denied myself, but who can deny the truth. Her injury became worse. She was admitted into a hospital. In the same time mom just gave birth to her youngest child. If wasn't for her pantang, she was the one who is going to take care of nenek. However, she had a month to go and nenek was being cared by my Pak Lang.

   The doctor told Pak Lang that they have no choice but to amputate the toe. If not, the infection will spread and nenek's condition will get worse. Pak Lang signed the papers and the procedure went well. The moment I got the news, my gut feeling became stronger than ever. Who knew that the feelings were actually a premonition about the event that is going affect my life? After a while, the doctor found out that the infection had already spread and they are forced to cut off her right toe. The procedure went as planned and nenek lost another toe. No one could expect what the said next.

   I was in Muadzam Shah when I got news about nenek's second procedure. After a few weeks, I called my parents and asked about nenek's condition. Good news - her condition was stabilizing and improving. My heart leapt with joy - joy that was lie I told myself, still hoping for the best, to comfort my heart so could continue studying. But, i knew that was not at all the truth.

   The doctor talked with Pak Lang. He convinced Pak Lang that it would be better for nenek if we cut off her right leg just to make the infection doesn't spread that far. It would be much, much, much worse they had cut her leg inch by inch. It would be torture. Losing her right leg made nenek lost a part of her life. Although she tries to hide her grief and sadness with smiles and jokes, all of us could see it in her face that she lost a part of her in that procedure. And all of this happened while I was in Muadzam. I never got the chance to visit nenek.

   On one faithful night, mom got this strong feeling that she needs to see nenek. Mom convinced dad to bring her to the hospital. Despite, her pantang, they made their way to the hospital and met nenek. Only Allah knows that, that night was last meeting between mom and nenek.

   The next day, I woke up without a sigh. Like every morning in Muadzam, all of us would recite Yaasin to begin the day. As usual I accidentally dozed off. I woke up and told myself, “What if one of my families died today. I will recite this Yaasin for them. Yes, I'm reciting on behalf of my late family member. You'll just never know. You just got to be ready." After the recital, light heartedly I exited the surau. Then, Ustaz Khir came from behind and tapped me on the shoulder. "Assalamualaikum, Ustaz." I said. "Waalaikusalam, Wan. I just got news that your grandmother passed away last night. Have patience and be strong. Wan..." explained the ustaz. I cried. Not giving a damn of the people around me.

   My homeroom teacher told me that a car will come and pick me up. Since I was in Muadzam Shah - the jungle part of Pahang, it took more than three hours to reach Gombak. The car stopped beside the graveyard as I could see the group of people surrounding a plot of land. I ran as fast as I could. However when I reached there, they already performed the solah, recited the Quran and said their prayers for nenek. All I could see were my relatives evening out the earth on my grandmother's grave. I came too late.

   Nenek was going to die, and I knew that. We all did. Every single one of us will too, someday. We are just fellow travellers to the grave. I would rather be separated with her and have her rest in peace, away from the nasty tongues and fouled mouths of men, away from the tribulations of old age, away from the agony of her sickness, than having her putting up with the pain and sorrow of living in this world. At least, now I can be sure, nenek is finally at peace. She may have died, but she remains immortal in our hearts and our memories.

Arwah Patimah Binti Hashim died in Ramadan 2009. A moment of silence and Al-Fatihah.

May nenek rest in peace.

Bismillah

This will be a new beginning.

I will not forget my past, but I will not forsake my future.

I still remember when I was about 14 years old, my English teacher taught me that change is the only constant in the cosmos. 

"The only thing that does not change is change itself"

It is either we change for the better or we stumble for the worse. 

Take control of your life and the make the right decisions.