A passage from my soon-to-be book: "It Was Just Not Meant To Be"
"...
His heart whispered hoping she hears it, 'It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. Thank you for teaching me how to feel, love AND pain. I will never forget you. You were my best friend. And you were, and still is, the one. But, I learned that you can’t know those types of things. You can only trust what you feel in your heart and take a blind leap of faith. That’s what life's about. You know, we’re not put on this earth to live perfect lives, where we never get hurt or we never make mistakes. We’re put here to hurl ourselves headfirst into this crazy world, and the bruises and scrapes we get along the way; they just mean you're living life.
..."
"...
Her heart tries to whisper back, 'Sometimes we want something so bad, we practically write the script on how it should go, even though we know better. There’s no such thing as the perfect relationship; there are always lumps. But why do the lumps have to be bad? Maybe instead of trying so hard to create the ideal, we should embrace the not so perfect. Because sometimes it’s the imperfections that make the memories you really cherish. Maybe life is like a cross country road trip. You can get so focused on the enormity of the mission ahead, staring straight out of the expansive road as you fail to notice the stuff you're passing by right at that moment. It is not that I am trying to break your heart. But, I just don't want to ruin your iman.
..."
Please, tell me how you think...
First, I’m very sorry for being unable to keep myself abreast with your entries. Second, well done to you!
ReplyDeleteThere is a question we normally will ask ourselves when we write a story. What is our objective of writing a story? If we are ready to publish the story, a clear intention is to share it with those who are keen to read it, and sharing is always coupled with an expectation that others will appreciate what we share with them. The precondition of appreciation of a piece of writing is a clear story which is comprehensible to everybody who reads
it.
These 2 paragraphs are unique with the internal voice or internal monologue, one from him to her and the other is the reply from her to him. These paragraphs seem to try to portray an unspoken understanding between he and she. (His heart whispered hoping she hears it… Her heart tries to whisper back.)
Nevertheless, there are a few vague lines which have hampered my understanding of the paragraphs. Let me just copy and paste the lines:
1. Thank you for teaching me how to feel, love AND pain. I will never forget you.
(Is he bidding goodbye to her? Why is “I will never forget you” mentioned?)
2. But, I learned that you can’t know those types of things.
What is “those types of things”? Is this explained somewhere else in your book?)
3. I can’t see any connection between these 2 paragraphs of interior monologue. There is no meeting point or common understanding between the 2 streams of thoughts. In other words, both the characters have different directions of thoughts that do not serve the purpose of her whispering back to him. Maybe I have not read all but just these 2 paragraphs, therefore I am totally lost in the girl’s internal monologue.
4. What is absent in these paragraphs is the intricate and subtle feelings of the 2 characters. Without the inclusion of these intricate feelings, the characters appear to be very mechanic and do not express emotions as they are supposed to do.
These are just my two cents worth on the paragraphs. My views could be inaccurate in the light of the whole story.