As far as I could remember, my arwah grandmother died in Ramadhan of 2009. She died due to old age and diabetes. Before she died, she began to show bad signs of her diabetes. It started when the second toe on her right foot got scratched. It healed very slowly - in fact it never actually healed properly. Then, her toe began to become darker in colour. At this point I had gut feeling that the time is about to came closer. I denied myself, but who can deny the truth. Her injury became worse. She was admitted into a hospital. In the same time mom just gave birth to her youngest child. If wasn't for her pantang, she was the one who is going to take care of nenek. However, she had a month to go and nenek was being cared by my Pak Lang.
The doctor told Pak Lang that they have no choice but to amputate the toe. If not, the infection will spread and nenek's condition will get worse. Pak Lang signed the papers and the procedure went well. The moment I got the news, my gut feeling became stronger than ever. Who knew that the feelings were actually a premonition about the event that is going affect my life? After a while, the doctor found out that the infection had already spread and they are forced to cut off her right toe. The procedure went as planned and nenek lost another toe. No one could expect what the said next.
I was in Muadzam Shah when I got news about nenek's second procedure. After a few weeks, I called my parents and asked about nenek's condition. Good news - her condition was stabilizing and improving. My heart leapt with joy - joy that was lie I told myself, still hoping for the best, to comfort my heart so could continue studying. But, i knew that was not at all the truth.
The doctor talked with Pak Lang. He convinced Pak Lang that it would be better for nenek if we cut off her right leg just to make the infection doesn't spread that far. It would be much, much, much worse they had cut her leg inch by inch. It would be torture. Losing her right leg made nenek lost a part of her life. Although she tries to hide her grief and sadness with smiles and jokes, all of us could see it in her face that she lost a part of her in that procedure. And all of this happened while I was in Muadzam. I never got the chance to visit nenek.
On one faithful night, mom got this strong feeling that she needs to see nenek. Mom convinced dad to bring her to the hospital. Despite, her pantang, they made their way to the hospital and met nenek. Only Allah knows that, that night was last meeting between mom and nenek.
The next day, I woke up without a sigh. Like every morning in Muadzam, all of us would recite Yaasin to begin the day. As usual I accidentally dozed off. I woke up and told myself, “What if one of my families died today. I will recite this Yaasin for them. Yes, I'm reciting on behalf of my late family member. You'll just never know. You just got to be ready." After the recital, light heartedly I exited the surau. Then, Ustaz Khir came from behind and tapped me on the shoulder. "Assalamualaikum, Ustaz." I said. "Waalaikusalam, Wan. I just got news that your grandmother passed away last night. Have patience and be strong. Wan..." explained the ustaz. I cried. Not giving a damn of the people around me.
My homeroom teacher told me that a car will come and pick me up. Since I was in Muadzam Shah - the jungle part of Pahang, it took more than three hours to reach Gombak. The car stopped beside the graveyard as I could see the group of people surrounding a plot of land. I ran as fast as I could. However when I reached there, they already performed the solah, recited the Quran and said their prayers for nenek. All I could see were my relatives evening out the earth on my grandmother's grave. I came too late.
Nenek was going to die, and I knew that. We all did. Every single one of us will too, someday. We are just fellow travellers to the grave. I would rather be separated with her and have her rest in peace, away from the nasty tongues and fouled mouths of men, away from the tribulations of old age, away from the agony of her sickness, than having her putting up with the pain and sorrow of living in this world. At least, now I can be sure, nenek is finally at peace. She may have died, but she remains immortal in our hearts and our memories.
Arwah Patimah Binti Hashim died in Ramadan 2009. A moment of silence and Al-Fatihah.
May nenek rest in peace.
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